Coming Out

On April 30, 1997, Ellen Morgan, a fictional protagonist on the show titled Ellen, staring Ellen Degeneres, came out as gay (Ramirez, 2022). Before the episode aired, hosts of 20/20 explain that “the real Ellen is coming out off-screen too” (ABC, 2017).

At the time, Ellen’s coming out, both on her show and in real life, was considered “controversial.” For those unfamiliar with Ellen Degeneres, she is a prominent entertainment personality both now and dating as far back as the 90s. Ellen, on her recent show called The Ellen Show, explains that “it was the first time a lead character on TV had come out” (TheEllenShow, 2017). Of course, support for gay people was very low at the time, Ellen explaining in an interview that she lost some sponsors due to her coming out (ABC, 2017).

On November 22, 2016, she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her various professional works as well as her coming out (‌Gutierrez-Morfin, 2016). Or as the White House explained, “in her work and in her life, she has been a passionate advocate for equality and fairness.” Ellen is just one of many people who have chosen, or in some cases, were made to come out. Her coming out made national history, but how relevant is coming out today?

Coming out, or coming out of the closest, refers to “the process of telling someone else how they identify in terms of their romantic orientation, sexual orientation, or gender identity” (UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center, 2021). It is a difficult decision for some, as coming out impacts the way others perceive you to the way you are treated in society, given that we live in a culture that favors heterosexuality and cisgenderism. Coming out is often a recurring process; we come out to our family, our friends, our co-workers, or even strangers at different points in our lives (Ogoro, 2023). In regard to our course, coming out can also be considered a cultural practice within the queer community, or as social psychologist Mamobo Ogoro explains, “coming out to everyone is seen by many people as a coming of age sort of ritual in queer communities” (Ogoro, 2023).

In some ways, it can be considered a right of passage. That we have to come to terms with our identities and live our truth publicly. Others never come out, either out of fear or because they feel like they don’t have to. When Ellen came out, she felt that it was ‘necessary’ (OWN, 2015). Many people have come out since Ellen did, but the practice retains some criticism by those inside and outside the queer community.

In a clip of The Ellen Show, Ellen, from a previous series, engages with an audience member on her coming out. The audience member states: “I just feel like we’re being stuffed with this right now down our throats… You wouldn’t know I’m straight. I’m not on the cover saying, ‘yup, I’m straight.’ Nobody wants to know. Nobody cares” (TheEllenShow, 2017). Those outside the queer community, as shown above, feel that coming out is unnecessary because it’s not relevant or it’s imposing.

Sociologist Jason Orne speaks on some of the nuances on coming out. In his paper, “You Will Always Have to ‘Out’ Yourself,” he draws on Vivienne Cass, a clinical psychologist most known for her model on identity development, otherwise known as the “Cass identity model” (Orne, 2011; Cass, 1979). In Cass’s identity model, gay men are said to live a double life prior to reaching the Identity Acceptance stage. For Cass, Orne explains, coming out brings the ‘homosexual’ from Identity Tolerance to Identity Acceptance (Orne, 2011, p. 683; Lee, n.d). More importantly, Orne says, “for Cass, coming out is not an ongoing process, but a onetime developmental event” (Orne, 2011, p. 683). Still, it is worth mentioning that in academia, there is no uniform understanding of what coming out means and its implications. Cass believes coming out is significant for the self and is a stage that is achieved once. Of course, as I mentioned before, coming out can be done for reasons beyond ourselves, such as informing others rather than an act of self-realization and self-acceptance.

According to a global study conducted by Yale School of Public Health, it is estimated that “83 percent of those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual — keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives,” and that “most sexual minority people in the world today are probably not out” (Poitras, 2019; Pachankis & Bränström, 2019). One of the researchers explains that “concealment takes its toll through the stress of hiding… But in many places around the world, concealment and its stressors are safer than the alternative.” Likewise, Ogoro explains that “queer people are more likely than their straight counterparts to suffer from mental illness due to homophobic and transphobic discrimination” (Ogoro, 2023). Ogoro also cites Ilan Meyer, another social psychologists, for his theory on “minority stress” (i.e. minority stress model) — “where being a minority in a society that does not want you makes it impossible for you to be yourself, but it also makes you literally sick” (Ogoro, 2023; Meyer, 2003; Amory et. al, pp. 210–214). The researchers of Yale School of Public Health further explain that “same-sex sexual activity is criminalized in 72 countries, including eight countries where it is punishable by death” (Poitras, 2019).

Still, there are many reasons for coming out, as Robert-Paul Juster, an assistant professor at the University of Montreal, explains:

Lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals who were out to family and friends had lower levels of psychiatric symptoms… than those who were still in the closet…. Coming out is no longer a matter of popular debate but a matter of public health. Internationally, societies must endeavor to facilitate this self-acceptance by promoting tolerance, progressing policy, and dispelling stigma for all minorities (Donahue, 2019).

On the other hand, those inside the community may feel that the practice of coming out is limiting as we not only label ourselves but are also understood within a specific framework. Sian Ferguson, writer for Everyday Feminism, explains, “often, people who are not heterosexual are also pressured into choosing a label that describes their sexuality… Non-monosexual people and people who don’t label their sexuality are dismissed as being ‘confused.’” (Ferguson, 2015). Ferguson goes on to add, “it’s certainly okay to want to avoid labeling your own sexuality.” In it’s worse forms, labels are most harmful when they are chosen for us, or as Ferguson concludes, “Labels can be… harmful when other people impose labels on us or define us by our label.”

In a study done by Higa et. al., researchers found that youth favored “flexible identities.” The researchers go on to state, “a flexible identity included not wanting or needing labels (even LGBTQ labels), using multiple terms to identify one’s sexuality, being open about pronouns when referring to oneself, and using terms that reflected the complexity and fluidity of gender and/or sexual identity” (Higa, 2014). Maeve Korengold, a writer for GEN-ZiNE, explains that “younger generations are increasingly designating themselves as sexually fluid or queer, or are completely resistant to labels. Those who feel constricted by the expectation to adopt a label feel liberated by this refusal” (Korengold, 2022).

So what does all of this say about coming out? As mentioned, coming out has a wide range of implications. Those outside of the community critique as being unnecessary. Others inside the community, particularly younger people, feel that it is limiting in scope and potential. Researchers believe it to be a positive impact to ones life but are also aware of the dangers and risks associated with coming out. Cass believes it to be just one step towards the final stage of the Cass identity model, Identity Synthesis, yet there is no concrete definition of coming out, or as some people now call it, “coming in” to one’s self. Meyer situates those who haven’t come out to be in a state of constant minority stress. Of course, minority stress doesn’t disappear after coming out, and even less so in countries where it’s deadly to be out. Ultimately, it is a personal decision that takes a lot of consideration, some encouraging being out while others feel that the model of coming out is outdated as more and more people reject it for newer and more fluid terms.

References

ABC. (2017, December 13). Ellen Degeneres 20/20 Interview Part One Coming Out 1997. Www.youtube.com. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPMthYke01g

Amory, D. P., Massey, S. G., Miller, J., & Brown, A. P. (Eds.). (2022). Introduction to LGBTQ+ Studies: A Cross-Disciplinary Approach. State University of New York Press.

Cass, V. C. (1979). Homosexual identity formation: A theoretical model. Journal of homosexuality, 4(3), 219–235.

Donahue, R. (2019, August 5). The Complicated Benefits of Coming Out. Allure. https://www.allure.com/story/coming-out-process-physical-mental-pain-relief

Ferguson, S. (2015, January 9). Labels: Empowering, Harmful, or Both? Everyday Feminism. https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/labels-empowering-harmful

‌Gutierrez-Morfin, Noel. Ellen DeGeneres to Receive Presidential Medal of Freedom. NBC News, NBC News, 16 Nov. 2016, www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/ellen-degeneres-receive-presidential-medal-freedom-n684926

Higa, D., Hoppe, M. J., Lindhorst, T., Mincer, S., Beadnell, B., Morrison, D. M., Wells, E. A., Todd, A., & Mountz, S. (2014). Negative and Positive Factors Associated With the Well-Being of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning (LGBTQ) Youth. Youth & society, 46(5), 663–687. https://doi.org/10.1177/0044118X12449630

Korengold, M. (2022, June 17). LGBTQ+ Labels: Limiting or Liberating? Gen-Zine.xyz. https://gen-zine.xyz/posts/lgbtq-labels/

‌Lee, R. (n.d.). Cass Model of Gay and Lesbian Identity Development. https://marypendergreene.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/CassLesbianGayIDModel-1.pdf

Meyer I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological bulletin, 129(5), 674–697. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.129.5.674

Ogoro, M. (2023, October 11). Do You NEED to Come Out? | National Coming Out Day. Www.youtube.com; GORM. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ragCBJ0GaA0

Orne, J. (2012). “You will always have to ‘out’ yourself”: Reconsidering coming out through strategic outness. Sexualities, 14(6), 681–703. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460711420462

OWN. (2015). Ellen DeGeneres Stands in Her Truth | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network [YouTube Video]. In YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qb3a1YMkhU

Pachankis, J. E., & Bränström, R. (2019). How many sexual minorities are hidden? Projecting the size of the global closet with implications for policy and public health. PLoS ONE, 14(6). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0218084

Poitras, C. (2019, June 13). The “Global Closet” is Huge — Vast Majority of World’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Population Hide Orientation, YSPH Study Finds. Yale School of Medicine. https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/the-global-closet-is-hugevast-majority-of-worlds-lesbian-gay-bisexual-population-hide-orientation-ysph-study-finds/

Ramirez, C. D. (2022, April 30). Ellen DeGeneres’ iconic “coming-out” episode aired 25 years ago today: Why it was so groundbreaking. Peoplemag. https://people.com/tv/ellen-degeneres-iconic-coming-out-episode-25-year-anniversary/

TheEllenShow. (2017). Ellen Celebrates the 20th Anniversary of Her “Coming Out” Episode [YouTube Video]. In YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CsN6ZYgp2Y

UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center. (2021, July 1). Coming out. LGBTQ Center. https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/coming-out/#:~:text=Many%20people%20use%20the%20term,sexual%20orientation%2C%20or%20gender%20identity.